Fear - a personal perspective

Fear - a personal perspective

Postby Minami Kohime » Thu November 26th, 5:24 pm

(Originally, I began writing this as a reply to Miss Sommerfeld's "Fear" topic. But, as it was getting too much about myself, I felt it would be better to move it to here. At least, it is a rather interesting way to start decorating my Maison... ^_^)

I find it very funny that modern tellurians are so willing to kill and hurt themselves by giving in to darkness and filth. Specially because what they try to kill is also what they want to believe and protect very preciously: the illusion-world and its "perennial stability".

Still, this year of Sai Rhave has given me the taste of fear exactly in this manner: I AM aware of the fact that the material is but an illusion, but I cannot see much further than what my five senses can apprehend. When Miss Sommerfeld said that "fear is a very powerful emotion", I knew it was very true for me. And now Sushuri-chei showed very clearly the topic that has been frightening me my whole life, specially 5 years ago and this year.

Honoured Raya Chancandre talked to me one day I was feeling too overwhelmed by my fears. I recall that she told me many things, one of which was that I was looking at the very khear that exists within every heart (I am just not sure if she had used these words exactly, though). Nothing is more desperating and frightful than that. And I come and go from the border of this gap often, but I try to call Dea into my heart and ask her to help me walk away from it.

But the problem is that, even if I walk away from it, I always find a way back to the border. I try to avoid it, but avoiding I find the way back to it more quickly. It is as if I can feel the Impermanence with the tip of my fingers and suddenly its cold grip takes over my whole body. And althought I call for Dea and keep my mind at Her during these times, I cannot help but feel helpless before it. Because I do not know - truly Know - much beyond my five senses. Even if my intellect can grasp some things and understand a bit beyond the material (or else I would not be able to love Dea), this one fear is something I cannot understand at all. And the fright is always at the corner of my heart, waiting for a moment of idleness to take over me again.

This year I have come in contact with buddhist teachings. I can't even recall how I ended up there, but it seems their way of thought is exactly about embracing impermanence and understanding that this "void" and absence of things is actually ultimate peace, and not something to be frightened about. I really wish I could learn it the way they do, I even asked a friend to take me to her temple once. But I feel I must be cautious, because I don't know if it a 100% sound way. After all, I follow a religion different from theirs, although buddhism is also a very traditional path.

I don't know if this is a chance encounter Dea put in my way to ease my heart. It might be so. But I must not jump head first, as I have also learned this year.

But, overall, I guess that this fear is really something that moves us. If we necessarily have this khear within us - because we chose to - perhaps fear is really a power to move us to try and come closer to Dea so that our hearts might rest and, eventually, bridge and cross this gap. So that we may never be comfortable with the darkness and always be in the move to find our way back to Her.

... but it doesn't change the fact that, sometimes, it just feels too difficult and tiring a path, ne? :shock: Still, I am grateful that I am being able to put myself together and live through this year rather unharmed. Yes, Her mercy is absolute.

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Re: Fear - a personal perspective

Postby Mengxia Yu » Thu November 26th, 5:57 pm

I have been thinking a lot about fear during the Year of Sai Rhave too.

The impermanence of the world is terrifying for us to try to get a grip on, I think, because we just cannot truly comprehend life beyond it. When we detach ourselves from the impermanent world, we cannot simply flail around in the darkness--we must find something else to hold onto. That something, of course, is Dea, which you have already said.

I think it is more uncertainty than impermanence that causes us to fear. We can come to terms with the fact that the world is impermanent, but it takes practice to learn to deal with all the subtleties of that on a day-to-day basis. Even if we get answers to some questions, it seems it only makes more questions appear.

I must look in my book to see if honoured Thich Nhat Hanh has any meditations for fear.

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